Selections from: Fire Shut Up in My Bones
Selections from: Fire Shut Up in My Bones
An opera by Terrance Blanchard
Act I
Tears of Anger and Shame
Tears from a walled-off place, from another side,
from a boy who couldn’t cry.
I never thought it would come out
But here it is! But here they are!
Tears of anger and shame. A banner of pain!
On my way to kill a man, rusty pistol in my hand.
A gun my mother gave me, just in case.
But Mama’s gun couldn’t keep me safe…
in a walled-off place, in another time,
a boy who couldn’t cry is crying now,
and someone must die!
Interstate twenty… I’ve roamed this lonely road a thousand times.
But never so fast, as with murder on my mind!
A voice on the phone,
“What’s going on, boy? What’s going on?â€
like nothing has happened, like everything was fine.
Shame held down too long. But betrayal doesn’t die!
Scratching to get up, churning, boiling to get out.
Now here it is! Now here they are!
Tears of rage and revenge,
and someone must die!
Bullets, blood, and death!
Prepare to die, motherfucker! Prepare to die!
And maybe the part of me I despise
will die with you!
Don’t be in Such a Rush
Don’t be in such a rush to grow.
When you ready to make that jump, you’ll know.
You’ll go to school, I promise you.
You’ll study hard and earn your degree.
You won’t have to break your back in the fields
or stand on your feet all day
cutting chickens all day like me.
But one day, you’ll see, I’m gonna be a secretary.
And after work, I’ll go to school to study to be a teacher.
Maybe one day I’ll teach you.
And your daddy will be the one working in the hot sun,
all day on his feet, in construction.
Man does what he gotta do
to keep the lights on and the children fed,
what kind of building man can’t build his own front steps?
Spinner rises with the sun
and it’s late when he comes home,
way after the sun go down.
That man out on the town!
Make his wife go ‘round back
while he ‘round back with some gal.
Hush, now, old drunks!
Spreading rumors day and night.
It ain’t right!
Golden Button
Golden button, where you come from?
From a jacket of a king?
Or the pocket of a father in a world I never seen?
Pulled from his coat when he pick up his son,
and put in a pocket, for his wife to sew on?
Or given to his son to hold.
“One day you’ll have a coat like daddy’s of your own,
with buttons of gold.â€
“Hold on to this one, until then,
and think of me when you’re alone. I’ll be with you.â€
A golden button, things thrown away, lost and forgotten.
Your loss, my gain.
A treasure to be stashed away for a rainy day;
to fill the emptiness inside of me.
Golden button, where you come from?
Take me there!
Is there a land across the sea,
where someone might have time for me?
Golden button, where you come from?
From a jacket of a king?
Or the pocket of a father in a world I never seen?
Pulled from his coat when he pick up his son,
and put in a pocket, for his wife to sew on?
Or given to his son to hold.
“One day you’ll have a coat like daddy’s of your own,
with buttons of gold.â€
“Hold on to this one, until then,
and think of me when you’re alone. I’ll be with you.â€
A golden button, things thrown away, lost and forgotten.
Your loss, my gain.
A treasure to be stashed away for a rainy day;
to fill the emptiness inside of me.
Golden button, where you come from?
Take me there!
Is there a land across the sea,
where someone might have time for me?
Hold on to this one, until then, and think of me when you’re alone.
Your loneliness will be with you!
Act II
Peculiar Grace Dance
This Stain, This Pain
Take this stain from my memory,
this pain from my soul.
My spirit is tainted, is my sin painted
for all to see?
Lord, protect me! I’m in danger;
stalked, taunted, preyed on! Even in my sleep.
The strong eat the weak. What is this pull on me?
Why can’t I break free from its hold?
A force like gravity, dragging me under.
Why won’t they leave me alone?
What do they want from me? What do they see?
Even in my sleep; the strong eat the weak!
Take it all away, Lord! Save me from my dreams.
Beautiful nightmares, lovely phantoms;
tempting, begging, haunting my sleep!
Take it all away, Lord! Wash me clean!
Peculiar Grace
I was once a boy, of peculiar grace,
a dangerous existence for a man of my race.
A black boy from a lawless town,
where everyone carries a gun;
I carried shame in a holster ‘round my waist.
A boy of peculiar grace.
Manhood lost and not found ‘til now.
Dreams that kept me awake.
Isolated by strange desires, half formed, not embraced.
A graceful boy, in a dangerous place.
Alone, a subject of curiosity for the old folks to speculate,
“What wrong with that boy?â€
A stranger in my home town, an oddity,
the butt of a joke.
A hurt that can’t be erased.
The South is no place
for a boy with peculiar grace.
I’ll go North. I’ll make my way.
Nothing can stop me! No reason to stay!
The South is no place
for a boy with peculiar grace.
You’ll go North. You’ll make your way.
Nothing can stop you! No reason to stay!
The South is no place
for a boy with peculiar grace!
Goodbye Gibsland! Goodbye shame!
Goodbye nightmares, goodbye pain!
Goodbye pistols in my mama’s purse!
Goodbye pastors in the Baptist church!
Goodbye daddy and your good-time women!
Goodbye honky-tonks and sinners in ‘em!
Goodbye Gibsland! Goodbye shame!
Goodbye nightmares, goodbye pain!
Goodbye pistols in my mama’s purse!
Goodbye pastors in the Baptist church!
Goodbye daddy and your good-time women!
Goodbye honky-tonks and sinners in ‘em!
Say goodbye to Charles-Baby!
I’m finally free! I’m free!
The Night Brings You
I used to hate the night.
Night was my sworn enemy;
I can’t believe how much it frightened me.
It brought unwanted thoughts and memories.
Now I look at dusk impatiently.
Hurry twilight, I need to see the stars.
And here you are; the night brings you.
I used to pray for dreamless sleep,
to deliver me to morning;
I can’t believe how much I used to sleep!
Now I’d give up sleep forever,
to make night a moment longer
because night brings you!
When I’m with you I lose myself; becoming myself.
I don’t know where you begin and where I end.
If I could stay, I swear I’d never sleep again;
I’d give up sleep to be with you.
The night brings you.
-Stay. -I can’t.
-Why do you always have to go?
-Can I tell you something?
-You can tell me anything.
You say that now.
We’ve told each other so many things.
More than I’ve told anyone. What can’t you tell me?
Tell me something first.
I love you.
That’s no secret.
When I was just a little boy, seven years old,
an older cousin came to stay…
I was a lonely boy, who needed attention,
and this cousin wanted to play, only with me.
Late one night, he pressed behind me, held me tight,
and whispered in my ear,
in a voice meant to loosen my limbs and shield his sins.
He said it was just a game he wanted to play with only me.
I didn’t scream.
My spirit left my body to watch the scene.
I was powerless to stop it, so it seemed.
I didn’t cry. Though I was bereft, like someone died,
and that someone was me.
Was it my fault, my curiosity, my need?
Does it explain the naked figures haunting my dreams?
Lovely phantoms, whispering in my ear,
in voices meant to loosen my limbs and reveal my sins
about a game they want to play with only me.
Prayed to God but even God couldn’t make them go away.
Then there was you,
and night became my friend,
and now I dread the day.
Charles, what I wanted to say, what I need to tell you…
I love you…
But there’s a boy who believes I love only him.
The hours I give to you are stolen.
I’m promised to another. I can’t come here any longer.
I can only be your friend.
You’re not serious Greta, don’t do this to me.
I love you. Don’t leave me alone! I need you!
You’re the only thing keeping them at bay.
If I hadn’t told you…
Charles, the hours I give to you are stolen.
There’s a boy who believes I love only him.
If I hadn’t told you my secret,
would we still have to be friends?
Charles, it’s me. I can’t live with this duplicity,
I won’t live half a lie,
I have to decide, and I choose him. I can’t stay.
I’m sorry.
I’d give up sleep forever
to have you a moment longer.
What is this feeling?
Is this my heart breaking?
Mama, it’s Me
What are these tears? Where did they come from?
From a walled-off space, from another time,
from a boy who couldn’t cry.
Shame held down so long,
I never thought it would come out.
But here it is! But here they are!
Tears of anger and shame…. A banner of pain…
Tears from a walled-off space, from another time,
the boy who couldn’t cry.
And someone must die!
Bullets, blood, and death!
I was seven years old.
Left alone to wonder, for the rest of my life…
What was my role in this betrayal?
Did I bring this on myself?
Is it the cause of this wanting?
The shapes that haunt my nights?
Asking, “What’s going on, boy?â€
And the boy doesn’t cry.
Bullets, blood, and death!
Prepare to die, motherfucker! Prepare to die!
And maybe,
the part of me I despise will die with you!
Destiny is Calling
So, you’ve come back, boy. I knew you would.
Destiny is calling you. Don’t hesitate, boy, not for a moment
Chickens must come home to roost, don’t be afraid, boy.
I’ll be with you.
I’ll be right there, holding your hand.
Get what you came for. Do what you must.
It’s all part of a master plan.
It’s useless to resist the pull.
Go where destiny takes you!
It’s brought you home to end where you started.
Back where your life began.
Get what you came for. Do what you must.
The story’s etched into your hands.
Destiny writes the end!
He has to bleed, he has to die…
There is no escape.
You may as well embrace your destiny!
And maybe the part of me I despise
will die with him!
Maybe you’ll die with him!
If that’s your destiny… You tell me.
I Am What I Am
Sometimes you gotta just leave it in the road.
Lay it down and move on.
Sometimes you gotta just leave it behind, lay your burden down.
You gotta use all this pain to make you stronger.
You don’t have to bear this shame any longer.
Take everything you don’t need and leave it,
just leave it in the road.
I am what I am. My roots run deep.
I bend; I don’t break.
I’m not a mistake, I’m not a child any longer.
Charles-Baby, everyone’s baby!
I’m a man I am what I am. Made in God’s image;
glorious and scarred, magnificent and flawed.
I am what I am. I’m man!
Now my life begins!
So much to explore, so much love to give!
This isn’t the end.
Now it begins!
You know love with a laugh only goes so far.
Sometimes I just want it straight, plain and somber, fragile and naked.
Just three words…
-I love you. -I love you too.